{"id":9891,"date":"2019-01-14T09:01:01","date_gmt":"2019-01-14T14:01:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/newvinegrowing.wordpress.com\/?p=9891"},"modified":"2019-06-07T13:37:51","modified_gmt":"2019-06-07T17:37:51","slug":"celebrating-the-vulnerability-of-imperfection","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/celebrating-the-vulnerability-of-imperfection\/","title":{"rendered":"Celebrating the vulnerability of imperfection"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>What would you do if you were shooting a video demonstrating making a cappuccino, and you spilled your espresso?<br \/>\nIf you&#8217;re my friend Jamie Yuenger, you&#8217;d post it, warts and all.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"instagram-media\" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/p\/BsVcFWrA4qe\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" data-instgrm-version=\"12\" style=\" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);\">\n<div style=\"padding:16px;\"> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/p\/BsVcFWrA4qe\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" style=\" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;\" target=\"_blank\"> <\/p>\n<div style=\" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;\">\n<div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;\">\n<div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"padding: 19% 0;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"display:block; 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font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;\"> View this post on Instagram<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"padding: 12.5% 0;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;\">\n<div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\"background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"margin-left: 8px;\">\n<div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;\"><\/div>\n<div style=\" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div style=\"margin-left: auto;\">\n<div style=\" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);\"><\/div>\n<div style=\" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);\"><\/div>\n<div style=\" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><\/a> <\/p>\n<p style=\" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;\"> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/p\/BsVcFWrA4qe\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" style=\" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;\" target=\"_blank\">One cappuccino comin\u2019 right up (kinda!) ? #homemade #coffee #espresso #cappuccino #newyear #goat #milk #morningroutine<\/a><\/p>\n<p style=\" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;\">A post shared by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/jamie_yuenger\/?utm_source=ig_embed&amp;utm_campaign=loading\" style=\" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px;\" target=\"_blank\"> Jamie Yuenger<\/a> (@jamie_yuenger) on <time style=\" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;\" datetime=\"2019-01-07T13:30:01+00:00\">Jan 7, 2019 at 5:30am PST<\/time><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><script async src=\"\/\/www.instagram.com\/embed.js\"><\/script><br \/>\nDon&#8217;t get me wrong. I love that feeling when I stick the landing.<br \/>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Mary Lou Retton 1984 Olympics AA Vaults\" width=\"1170\" height=\"878\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Sya66z4mCiA?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><br \/>\n<em>^ This Mary Lou Retton video won&#8217;t play in the embed but you can click to play on YouTube.<\/em><br \/>\nBut Jamie&#8217;s video is what life is really like most of the time. Not the perfectly made up and expertly filtered take, but a little messy. Or a lot messy.<br \/>\nThere&#8217;s a danger when we compare our own messy real lives with our friends&#8217; well-curated social media lives that we&#8217;ll think we&#8217;re the only ones who spill the espresso, metaphorically. The beauty and generosity in sharing the screw up is that vulnerability gives the rest of us reassurance that it&#8217;s not just us.<\/p>\n<h2>Done is better than perfect<\/h2>\n<p>There are a few phrases we use a lot in our home:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Don&#8217;t let great get in the way of good<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>Done is better than perfect<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>No painting is ever finished, only abandoned<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>John is a painter, I&#8217;m a writer, and we can both overwork and overthink a project. An ex-boyfriend once yelled at me during a fight that I&#8217;m like water, that I will expand to take up as much (or as little) time as there is to do a task. Well, aren&#8217;t a lot of us like that? If you had a month to carefully craft a sensitive email, how many times would you re-read it?<br \/>\n<strong>You know what&#8217;s a great antidote to overthinking? Working as a reporter at a daily newspaper.<\/strong> At the first newspaper where I worked, I had to meet a quota of turning in two stories and two briefs every morning. A story meant something like 800 words, a brief was a few paragraphs.<br \/>\n<strong>Every morning, deadline was going to come and the press was going to run, shaking the entire building as it printed newspapers to drop on the front step of houses all over our region, and my editor wasn&#8217;t going to leave a big blank spot on the page while I finessed a sentence that wasn&#8217;t quite there yet. I just had to press send.<\/strong><br \/>\nAnd it never killed me. My byline sat on top of a bunch of stories that weren&#8217;t my best work, and I survived having thousands of people see my name attached to mediocre reporting and lackluster writing.<br \/>\nSince I don&#8217;t have an editor for this blog, the same thing still happens. I&#8217;ll go back and read an old post and wince as I realize I didn&#8217;t explain something well or there&#8217;s a typo &#8230; and it didn&#8217;t kill me.<\/p>\n<h2>Perfectionism is not the same as pursuit of excellence<\/h2>\n<p>If you&#8217;re an A student, the lure of perfectionism is seductive. You want to do your best work and there is always <em>always<\/em> something more you could do.<br \/>\n<strong>Researcher, author and all-around inspiration Brene Brown studies vulnerability, worthiness and shame. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.huffingtonpost.com\/2013\/06\/29\/brene-brown-daring-greatly-perfectionism-oprah_n_3468501.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">She spoke to Oprah Winfrey about perfectionism<\/a>:<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cWhat emerged for me in the data is that <strong>perfectionism is not about striving for excellence or healthy striving<\/strong>,\u201d Dr. Brown tells Oprah. \u201c<strong>It\u2019s \u2026 a way of thinking and feeling that says this: \u2018If I look perfect, do it perfect, work perfect and live perfect, I can avoid or minimize shame, blame and judgment<\/strong>.\u2019\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cThis was my other aha [moment]!\u201d Oprah says, giving Dr. Brown a high-five. \u201cPerfectionism is the ultimate fear &#8230; <strong>People who are walking around as perfectionists &#8230; They are ultimately afraid that the world is going to see them for who they really are and they won\u2019t measure up.<\/strong>\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cThere\u2019s no question,\u201d Dr. Brown agrees. \u201c<strong>I call perfectionism \u2018the 20-ton shield<\/strong>.\u2019 We carry it around thinking it\u2019s going to protect us from being hurt. But it protects us from being seen.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h2>Choosing vulnerability instead of perfection<\/h2>\n<p>When I was an MBA student, I came in having studied journalism, with no education in business or statistics. Many of my classmates were engineers, some were consultants, so things they did every day sounded totally foreign to me. I had barely used Excel in my life.<br \/>\nSince I was paying a lot of money for my education, I made a decision that if I didn&#8217;t understand something, I would raise my hand. I would risk looking dumb to further my education.<br \/>\nAt first, it was mortifying. Then an interesting thing happened: Classmates would approach me at break and tell me they were confused, too, but they assumed they were the only ones, so they didn&#8217;t want to slow down the people who already got it. They thanked me for being the one to ask.<br \/>\nA similar thing happened this weekend. I made a decision to raise a concern in a workshop. In this case, I knew others were thinking similar thoughts, but it still felt risky to challenge the instruction were given and to disagree.<br \/>\nBut I had recently re-read this Brene Brown interview, so I channeled her:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Imagine walking into a meeting at work, Dr. Brown says. \u201cYou have to make the choice: Am I going to show up and let myself be seen?\u201d she poses. \u201cAm I going to raise my hand and say, \u2018Wow, y\u2019all look super excited. [But] I don\u2019t know what in the hell you\u2019re talking about. I\u2019m so lost.\u2019 That\u2019s a choice.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Coincidentally, I was working to develop my vulnerability in this workshop. The universe gave me the perfect opportunity to step into it.<br \/>\nThen an interesting thing happened, again: My classmates circled me in the bathroom and hugged me, sharing their agreement and support.<br \/>\n<strong>Because when you get real, you give other people permission to put down their 20-ton shield, too.<\/strong><br \/>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Dr. Bren\u00e9 Brown on Faking It, Perfectionism and Living Wholeheartedly | SuperSoul Sunday | OWN\" width=\"1170\" height=\"658\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/_YeulUgWNp8?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><br \/>\n&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2>Related posts:<\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li class=\"posttitle\"><a class=\"dark\" href=\"https:\/\/newvinegrowing.wordpress.com\/2009\/11\/23\/day-29-lifes-messy-and-thats-ok\/\" rel=\"bookmark\">Day 29: Life\u2019s messy and that\u2019s\u00a0OK<\/a><\/li>\n<li class=\"posttitle\"><a class=\"dark\" href=\"https:\/\/newvinegrowing.wordpress.com\/2012\/08\/31\/showing-vulnerability-might-actually-be-a-good-thing-or-how-a-humiliating-moment-wont-kill-you\/\" rel=\"bookmark\">Showing vulnerability might actually be a good thing \u2014 or how a humiliating moment won\u2019t kill\u00a0you<\/a><\/li>\n<li class=\"posttitle\"><a class=\"dark\" href=\"https:\/\/newvinegrowing.wordpress.com\/2016\/01\/31\/crying-at-an-improv-workshop-was-a-good-thing\/\" rel=\"bookmark\">Crying at an improv workshop was a good\u00a0thing<\/a><\/li>\n<li class=\"posttitle\"><a class=\"dark\" href=\"https:\/\/newvinegrowing.wordpress.com\/2017\/12\/23\/why-im-grateful-our-new-christmas-tablecloth-looks-tiedyed\/\" rel=\"bookmark\">Why I\u2019m grateful our new Christmas tablecloth looks\u00a0tiedyed<\/a><\/li>\n<li class=\"posttitle\"><a class=\"dark\" href=\"https:\/\/newvinegrowing.wordpress.com\/2010\/03\/24\/are-you-being-polished-by-life\/\" rel=\"bookmark\">Are you being polished by\u00a0life?<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<br \/>\n<figure id=\"attachment_9895\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-9895\" style=\"width: 568px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-9895\" src=\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/jamie-espresso.jpg\" alt=\"jamie espresso\" width=\"568\" height=\"755\" srcset=\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/jamie-espresso.jpg 568w, https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/jamie-espresso-226x300.jpg 226w, https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/jamie-espresso-370x493.jpg 370w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 568px) 100vw, 568px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-9895\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">One more time, here&#8217;s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/jamie_storykeep\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Jamie<\/a> and her &#8220;Oh shiiit&#8221; moment.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There&#8217;s a danger when we compare our own messy real lives with our friends&#8217; well-curated social media lives that we&#8217;ll think we&#8217;re the only ones who spill the espresso, metaphorically. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":9895,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[55,56,58],"tags":[100,365,852,1377,1952,2006,2007],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v19.6 - 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