In this guest post, my friend Amanda reflects on the meaning of home and belonging, and the challenges of choosing a place that’s right. We’re grateful they decided to come back to New York, to an apartment a short walk from us.<\/p>\n
She writes: Despite all the energy I have spent for the better part of two decades trying to convince myself to ignore the strong pull of place, it turns out, being in the wrong place (especially after being in the right place) can take a real toll. So can two decades of beating yourself up for wanting something you don\u2019t think you should want.<\/p>\n
The Seven Spiritual<\/a>\u00a0Laws of Success: #1, the law of pure\u00a0potentiality<\/a><\/h2>\nI loved Deepak Chopra’s Seven Spiritual Laws of Success when we first listened to it on tape almost 20 years ago, and I decided it was time for a refresher. I bought it as an audio book and listened several times at the gym before reflecting on each chapter as a sort of book report\/ Cliff Notes.
\nHere are the other chapters, all of which were among my most popular posts this year:<\/p>\n
\n- The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: #2, the law of\u00a0giving<\/a><\/li>\n
- The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: #3, The law of\u00a0karma<\/a><\/li>\n
- The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: #4, The law of least\u00a0effort<\/a><\/li>\n
- The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: #5, The law of intention and\u00a0desire<\/a><\/li>\n
- The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: #6, The law of\u00a0detachment<\/a><\/li>\n
- The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: #7, The law of\u00a0dharma<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Letting my gray hair show is an act of\u00a0protest<\/a><\/h2>\nI’ve had so many strangers approach me about my hair, some to express admiration, others to urgently warn me that it makes me look old.\u00a0It happened again on Christmas \u2014 we were out in Manhattan when a woman struck up a conversation about my gray hair, this time to tell me how much she loves it, leading to a chat about aging and how we deal with it.<\/p>\n
Once I stopped coloring my hair, I began to understand I was defying the cultural expectation that we not age, like Peter Pan.<\/p>\n
Here’s a related post I wrote, when I was just beginning the process:<\/p>\n
\n- Considering giving up being a redhead to go\u00a0gray<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Lucy and Ricky beds might help your\u00a0marriage<\/a><\/h2>\nThis is an oldie but still a goody.<\/p>\n
Like a lot of couples, John and I struggled to get a good night sleep in the same bed. He snored and I moved around. A lot. He solved the snoring with a mouthguard, then we still had to figure out my wiggling, which didn’t hurt my sleep but kept him up all night.<\/p>\n
The solution turned out to be two extra-long twin mattresses on a sturdy king bed frame. I can have a blanket tucked in, he often sleeps with only a sheet and his feet hanging out, and we can both get some Zs.<\/p>\n
We all have the same 24 hours a day \u2014 how wisely are you using\u00a0yours?<\/a><\/h2>\nOne of my favorite insights is that when someone says they don\u2019t have time, what he really means is, \u201cI choose to spend my time on something besides that.\u201d Because we all have the same 24 hours, and we all choose how to spend those hours, even if we don\u2019t always choose wisely.<\/p>\n
We value being busy as a culture \u2014 if you ask someone how she\u2019s doing, the answer is often \u201ccrazy busy\u201d or some other such statement of how booked and important we are. It takes diligence to not get swept downstream in the busy river.<\/p>\n
Cooking dinner for someone is a great way to deepen your\u00a0relationship<\/a><\/h2>\nIf you’re looking at your credit card bill, or your scale, after the holidays, maybe it’s time to cut back on the rich dinners out? That could make January the perfect time to invite friends over for a healthier home-cooked meal.<\/p>\n
Cooking for someone is such a beautiful act of generosity. It\u2019s a gift of your time and attention, even if it\u2019s the final product is something as basic as grilled cheese and tomato soup. When I host, I think about who we\u2019re having over and go shopping with those guests in mind because I want to prepare a meal they\u2019ll enjoy.<\/p>\n
If you’re not used to hosting and want some tips to make it less intimidating:<\/p>\n
\n- Pointers on hosting simple weekday\u00a0suppers<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Making small talk a little bigger \u2014 10 conversation topics instead of complaining about the\u00a0weather<\/a><\/h2>\nIt’s easy to reach for the most generic conversation topic when you’re killing time in the elevator or making small talk at a party. But where’s the fun in that? Where’s the chance to make real human connection?<\/p>\n
This post includes some suggestions for different conversational entry points, to try to warm people up on more interesting topics.<\/p>\n
And if someone asks you a boring question, you don’t have to give a boring answer. Plan ahead to answer softball questions in a way that includes something you\u2019re really interested in. If someone asks, \u201cWhat\u2019s new with you?\u201d I\u2019m ready to talk about my\u00a0classes to become a coach<\/a>,\u00a0learning to read tarot<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0promoting John\u2019s book<\/a>\u00a0for holiday gifts. I like to ask \u201cWhat are you excited about lately?\u201d while John often asks about movies or books you\u2019ve loved recently.<\/p>\nThis post also includes some ideas for moving beyond superficial chit chat:<\/p>\n
\nHere are the other chapters, all of which were among my most popular posts this year:<\/p>\n
Letting my gray hair show is an act of\u00a0protest<\/a><\/h2>\nI’ve had so many strangers approach me about my hair, some to express admiration, others to urgently warn me that it makes me look old.\u00a0It happened again on Christmas \u2014 we were out in Manhattan when a woman struck up a conversation about my gray hair, this time to tell me how much she loves it, leading to a chat about aging and how we deal with it.<\/p>\n
Once I stopped coloring my hair, I began to understand I was defying the cultural expectation that we not age, like Peter Pan.<\/p>\n
Here’s a related post I wrote, when I was just beginning the process:<\/p>\n
\n- Considering giving up being a redhead to go\u00a0gray<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Lucy and Ricky beds might help your\u00a0marriage<\/a><\/h2>\nThis is an oldie but still a goody.<\/p>\n
Like a lot of couples, John and I struggled to get a good night sleep in the same bed. He snored and I moved around. A lot. He solved the snoring with a mouthguard, then we still had to figure out my wiggling, which didn’t hurt my sleep but kept him up all night.<\/p>\n
The solution turned out to be two extra-long twin mattresses on a sturdy king bed frame. I can have a blanket tucked in, he often sleeps with only a sheet and his feet hanging out, and we can both get some Zs.<\/p>\n
We all have the same 24 hours a day \u2014 how wisely are you using\u00a0yours?<\/a><\/h2>\nOne of my favorite insights is that when someone says they don\u2019t have time, what he really means is, \u201cI choose to spend my time on something besides that.\u201d Because we all have the same 24 hours, and we all choose how to spend those hours, even if we don\u2019t always choose wisely.<\/p>\n
We value being busy as a culture \u2014 if you ask someone how she\u2019s doing, the answer is often \u201ccrazy busy\u201d or some other such statement of how booked and important we are. It takes diligence to not get swept downstream in the busy river.<\/p>\n
Cooking dinner for someone is a great way to deepen your\u00a0relationship<\/a><\/h2>\nIf you’re looking at your credit card bill, or your scale, after the holidays, maybe it’s time to cut back on the rich dinners out? That could make January the perfect time to invite friends over for a healthier home-cooked meal.<\/p>\n
Cooking for someone is such a beautiful act of generosity. It\u2019s a gift of your time and attention, even if it\u2019s the final product is something as basic as grilled cheese and tomato soup. When I host, I think about who we\u2019re having over and go shopping with those guests in mind because I want to prepare a meal they\u2019ll enjoy.<\/p>\n
If you’re not used to hosting and want some tips to make it less intimidating:<\/p>\n
\n- Pointers on hosting simple weekday\u00a0suppers<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Making small talk a little bigger \u2014 10 conversation topics instead of complaining about the\u00a0weather<\/a><\/h2>\nIt’s easy to reach for the most generic conversation topic when you’re killing time in the elevator or making small talk at a party. But where’s the fun in that? Where’s the chance to make real human connection?<\/p>\n
This post includes some suggestions for different conversational entry points, to try to warm people up on more interesting topics.<\/p>\n
And if someone asks you a boring question, you don’t have to give a boring answer. Plan ahead to answer softball questions in a way that includes something you\u2019re really interested in. If someone asks, \u201cWhat\u2019s new with you?\u201d I\u2019m ready to talk about my\u00a0classes to become a coach<\/a>,\u00a0learning to read tarot<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0promoting John\u2019s book<\/a>\u00a0for holiday gifts. I like to ask \u201cWhat are you excited about lately?\u201d while John often asks about movies or books you\u2019ve loved recently.<\/p>\nThis post also includes some ideas for moving beyond superficial chit chat:<\/p>\n
Lucy and Ricky beds might help your\u00a0marriage<\/a><\/h2>\nThis is an oldie but still a goody.<\/p>\n
Like a lot of couples, John and I struggled to get a good night sleep in the same bed. He snored and I moved around. A lot. He solved the snoring with a mouthguard, then we still had to figure out my wiggling, which didn’t hurt my sleep but kept him up all night.<\/p>\n
The solution turned out to be two extra-long twin mattresses on a sturdy king bed frame. I can have a blanket tucked in, he often sleeps with only a sheet and his feet hanging out, and we can both get some Zs.<\/p>\n
We all have the same 24 hours a day \u2014 how wisely are you using\u00a0yours?<\/a><\/h2>\nOne of my favorite insights is that when someone says they don\u2019t have time, what he really means is, \u201cI choose to spend my time on something besides that.\u201d Because we all have the same 24 hours, and we all choose how to spend those hours, even if we don\u2019t always choose wisely.<\/p>\n
We value being busy as a culture \u2014 if you ask someone how she\u2019s doing, the answer is often \u201ccrazy busy\u201d or some other such statement of how booked and important we are. It takes diligence to not get swept downstream in the busy river.<\/p>\n
Cooking dinner for someone is a great way to deepen your\u00a0relationship<\/a><\/h2>\nIf you’re looking at your credit card bill, or your scale, after the holidays, maybe it’s time to cut back on the rich dinners out? That could make January the perfect time to invite friends over for a healthier home-cooked meal.<\/p>\n
Cooking for someone is such a beautiful act of generosity. It\u2019s a gift of your time and attention, even if it\u2019s the final product is something as basic as grilled cheese and tomato soup. When I host, I think about who we\u2019re having over and go shopping with those guests in mind because I want to prepare a meal they\u2019ll enjoy.<\/p>\n
If you’re not used to hosting and want some tips to make it less intimidating:<\/p>\n
\n- Pointers on hosting simple weekday\u00a0suppers<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Making small talk a little bigger \u2014 10 conversation topics instead of complaining about the\u00a0weather<\/a><\/h2>\nIt’s easy to reach for the most generic conversation topic when you’re killing time in the elevator or making small talk at a party. But where’s the fun in that? Where’s the chance to make real human connection?<\/p>\n
This post includes some suggestions for different conversational entry points, to try to warm people up on more interesting topics.<\/p>\n
And if someone asks you a boring question, you don’t have to give a boring answer. Plan ahead to answer softball questions in a way that includes something you\u2019re really interested in. If someone asks, \u201cWhat\u2019s new with you?\u201d I\u2019m ready to talk about my\u00a0classes to become a coach<\/a>,\u00a0learning to read tarot<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0promoting John\u2019s book<\/a>\u00a0for holiday gifts. I like to ask \u201cWhat are you excited about lately?\u201d while John often asks about movies or books you\u2019ve loved recently.<\/p>\nThis post also includes some ideas for moving beyond superficial chit chat:<\/p>\n
One of my favorite insights is that when someone says they don\u2019t have time, what he really means is, \u201cI choose to spend my time on something besides that.\u201d Because we all have the same 24 hours, and we all choose how to spend those hours, even if we don\u2019t always choose wisely.<\/p>\n
We value being busy as a culture \u2014 if you ask someone how she\u2019s doing, the answer is often \u201ccrazy busy\u201d or some other such statement of how booked and important we are. It takes diligence to not get swept downstream in the busy river.<\/p>\n
Cooking dinner for someone is a great way to deepen your\u00a0relationship<\/a><\/h2>\nIf you’re looking at your credit card bill, or your scale, after the holidays, maybe it’s time to cut back on the rich dinners out? That could make January the perfect time to invite friends over for a healthier home-cooked meal.<\/p>\n
Cooking for someone is such a beautiful act of generosity. It\u2019s a gift of your time and attention, even if it\u2019s the final product is something as basic as grilled cheese and tomato soup. When I host, I think about who we\u2019re having over and go shopping with those guests in mind because I want to prepare a meal they\u2019ll enjoy.<\/p>\n
If you’re not used to hosting and want some tips to make it less intimidating:<\/p>\n
\n- Pointers on hosting simple weekday\u00a0suppers<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Making small talk a little bigger \u2014 10 conversation topics instead of complaining about the\u00a0weather<\/a><\/h2>\nIt’s easy to reach for the most generic conversation topic when you’re killing time in the elevator or making small talk at a party. But where’s the fun in that? Where’s the chance to make real human connection?<\/p>\n
This post includes some suggestions for different conversational entry points, to try to warm people up on more interesting topics.<\/p>\n
And if someone asks you a boring question, you don’t have to give a boring answer. Plan ahead to answer softball questions in a way that includes something you\u2019re really interested in. If someone asks, \u201cWhat\u2019s new with you?\u201d I\u2019m ready to talk about my\u00a0classes to become a coach<\/a>,\u00a0learning to read tarot<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0promoting John\u2019s book<\/a>\u00a0for holiday gifts. I like to ask \u201cWhat are you excited about lately?\u201d while John often asks about movies or books you\u2019ve loved recently.<\/p>\nThis post also includes some ideas for moving beyond superficial chit chat:<\/p>\n
Making small talk a little bigger \u2014 10 conversation topics instead of complaining about the\u00a0weather<\/a><\/h2>\nIt’s easy to reach for the most generic conversation topic when you’re killing time in the elevator or making small talk at a party. But where’s the fun in that? Where’s the chance to make real human connection?<\/p>\n
This post includes some suggestions for different conversational entry points, to try to warm people up on more interesting topics.<\/p>\n
And if someone asks you a boring question, you don’t have to give a boring answer. Plan ahead to answer softball questions in a way that includes something you\u2019re really interested in. If someone asks, \u201cWhat\u2019s new with you?\u201d I\u2019m ready to talk about my\u00a0classes to become a coach<\/a>,\u00a0learning to read tarot<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0promoting John\u2019s book<\/a>\u00a0for holiday gifts. I like to ask \u201cWhat are you excited about lately?\u201d while John often asks about movies or books you\u2019ve loved recently.<\/p>\nThis post also includes some ideas for moving beyond superficial chit chat:<\/p>\n
This post also includes some ideas for moving beyond superficial chit chat:<\/p>\n
![\"Colleen](\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/Colleen-laughing-at-LIB-2017.jpg\")