{"id":4685,"date":"2012-12-25T21:27:22","date_gmt":"2012-12-26T02:27:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/?p=4685"},"modified":"2019-06-07T13:39:39","modified_gmt":"2019-06-07T17:39:39","slug":"be-thankful","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/be-thankful\/","title":{"rendered":"Once the time for shopping has passed, it's time to be thankful"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"How<\/a>
How graciously do you receive the gifts you are given?
This photo by Scott Miller reused under Creative Commons license.<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\nAll over America, kids are playing with new toys and piles of wrapping paper are stuffed into trash bags.
\nPerhaps you’re breathing a sigh of relief that the trips to crowded stores are over, along with the damage to your credit card.
\nBut what if someone bought you a gift and you didn’t get her anything? Or what if someone gave you something much nicer than you gave her?
\nWill you go online tonight to hurriedly order something?\u00a0 Or stew in your discomfort and embarrassment?
\nWhat if you gave someone a present significantly better than what you got in return? Are you keeping score?
\nWhatever the inequity, it might be a good place to practice receiving graciously.
\nI recently read a blog post headlined, “Do You Graciously Receive?<\/a>,” that included this anecdote:<\/p>\n

… Kate commented that someone had a sharp response to her wanting to buy their coffee being next in line at a coffee shop. \u00a0This might be a classic example of what you wouldn\u2019t normally expect someone to respond like to an act of kindness but it seems that in reality, things are much more difficult to graciously receive than one might think.
\nMany times I think that serving others is actually easier than receiving from others. \u00a0Perhaps you\u2019ve heard about someone getting mad over paying for their coffee and think you would never do this yourself. \u00a0You would likely want to simply thank the person and move on, but I doubt you would find it that easy.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The author discusses how common it is for us to dismiss a compliment or wave off an offer to help, discouraging the other person from kindness and keeping a distance between us. He also notes how fights can break out over who picks up the check when friends dine out together.
\nWe’re programmed to a certain amount of this score keeping. It’s part of the social code of reciprocity — I scratch your back, you scratch mine.
\nIn an NPR story on reciprocation<\/a>, Robert Cialdini<\/a>, emeritus psychologist at Arizona State University, explains the social contract that holds a community together:<\/p>\n

“We are obligated to give back to others, the form of behavior that they have first given to us,” he says. “Essentially thou shall not take without giving in return.”
\nAnd so if someone passes you in the hall and says hello, you feel compelled to return their greeting. When you don’t, you notice it, it makes you uncomfortable, out of balance. That’s the rule of reciprocation.
\n“There’s not a single human culture that fails to train its members in this rule,” Cialdini says.
\nThis is probably because there are some obvious benefits to the rule of reciprocation; it’s one of those rules that likely made it easier for us to survive as a species.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

But there are so many ways to reciprocate that aren’t about objective bookkeeping.
\nWhen we went to Burning Man this year<\/a>, an art event in the Nevada desert that operates on a gift economy, I was struck by participants’ comfort with both giving and receiving. People gave freely, without strings, so recipients were freed up to enjoy the gift without expectations — and an appreciative thank you seemed a lovely way to reciprocate.
\nI don’t think anyone likes to feel taken advantage of. It doesn’t feel good to give a gift that’s not acknowledged or appreciated, which is part of what reciprocity does. It shows us the other person saw value in what we gave.
\nSo maybe saying a real thank you<\/a> is the foundation of graciously receiving?
\nAnd if you can’t afford a gift that costs as much as the one you received from a friend or family member, maybe the dollar figure matters less than giving a present that shows genuine thoughtfulness<\/a>?
\nIf your gift giving is done for the holiday season, then how about spending the next few days reflecting on all those who’ve shown you generosity and letting them know how much you appreciate it?
\nI have pointers on thank you notes, <\/a>if you’d like a little help getting started …
\nHappy holidays!<\/strong>
\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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