{"id":4484,"date":"2012-08-31T08:45:23","date_gmt":"2012-08-31T15:45:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/?p=4484"},"modified":"2019-06-07T13:39:46","modified_gmt":"2019-06-07T17:39:46","slug":"showing-vulnerability-might-actually-be-a-good-thing-or-how-a-humiliating-moment-wont-kill-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/showing-vulnerability-might-actually-be-a-good-thing-or-how-a-humiliating-moment-wont-kill-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Showing vulnerability might actually be a good thing — or how a humiliating moment won't kill you"},"content":{"rendered":"

I love to host parties — I enjoy inviting friends over for small dinners and huge cocktail affairs, and typically I accept that life is messy so something is going to go wrong<\/a>.
\nBut about a year ago, I had one of my worst hostess moments.
\nWe were cohosting a living room concert<\/a> at which New Orleans cellist Helen Gillet<\/a> was performing. I’d met her only a few days prior, as I’d arranged the show with her collaborator, Clint Maedgen<\/a>, and she was the consummate professional, putting on a lovely show in spite of fighting off a cold.<\/p>\n

\n[youtube=http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=xlHaCm-VAms]
\nIn between sets, I stepped to the microphone to ask people to please tip the musicians — and as I focused on stepping around guests and the mic cord, I kicked over Helen’s cello. I’m not precisely sure how it all happened, because my memory blacked out for a minute.
\nOur violinist friend Ittai Shapira<\/a> was one of the first to leap forward, examining the cello and pronouncing it healthy. That was reassuring, but I was still mortified by having been so careless and clutzy.
\nThen a friend of ours sent me the sweetest note, which helped ease my embarrassment a tiny bit and even made me reconsider my concerns a little. She wrote:<\/p>\n
\n
…. a thing I often think about you but don’t know if I’ve said: You reveal such a humanity and self-forgiveness in little instances of embarrassment (i.e. the Helen’s cello moment) that I’m sometimes convinced that’s the sole reason a gaffe has happened. It’s a break in your poised demeanor that I always note your ability to meet with humility but without shame.
\nThat’s rarely witnessed, publicly or privately, and I think it is the definition of “grace under pressure” or just plain grace.<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Now I don’t think of myself as either poised or as quick on self forgiveness.
\nBut maybe my many previous opportunities to deal with recovering from clumsiness have given me enough practice to make it look comfortable? I loved pondering the positive effects of something I had felt as tremendously negative.
\nI’ve blogged before about Keith Ferrazzi’s Relationship Masters Academy<\/a> — Keith advocates for deeper, more real professional relationships, with vulnerability being a key component. After I got this kind email, I thought about my tripping over Helen’s cello as a vulnerable moment of being real. I was so mortified and concerned, and was too focused on that to even think to mask that from our guests.
\nHere’s what Keith said about vulnerability in a 2009 interview:<\/a>\n<\/div>\n

\n

ExecutiveBiz:<\/strong> Your book discusses four mindsets \u2014 vulnerability, generosity, candor, and accountability \u2014 that you say are essential to building lifeline relationships. Of the four, vulnerability may be hardest to implement. Any tips to embrace that mindset smartly?
\nKeith Ferrazzi:<\/strong> It\u2019s about practice. Pick a few places and practice being more real. Let your guard down a bit. Let somebody know your concerns. See how much closer and loyal people become.
\nExecutiveBiz:<\/strong> Obviously, though, you shouldn\u2019t share with everyone, particularly in a corporate setting.
\nKeith Ferrazzi: <\/strong>Despite the fact it\u2019s become vogue to think so, the truth is very few people out there are proactively going to hurt you. That said, the answer is go with the people you feel safe with. What will happen is you become more courageous, you will feel safer, you broaden your circle.\u00a0 Eventually you get to people you would never have expected sharing with. You find they were ready, willing, and waiting to be held in trust.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

On Keith’s blog, Meghna Majmudar writes:<\/a><\/div>\n
\n

Here are two major benefits I’ve noticed since exploring increased vulnerability:
\n<\/strong>
\n1. Living authentically frees up new reserves of energy.<\/strong> I didn\u2019t realize how much effort I put into trying to be slightly different from who I am. It takes work, day in and day out! Own your shortcomings and all that extra energy that used to go into covering things up can now be used for more productive activities. Plus, it’s much easier to get guidance when you put all your cards on the table.
\n2. Let the emotion show (at the appropriate time), and people will really care. <\/strong>Recently, I signed up for personal development course targeted toward women. Usually, I wouldn\u2019t share this type of information at work, especially with male colleagues, because it feels so personal. However, I was so excited about the course, I couldn\u2019t help but tell the everybody in the office during a social break one afternoon, including two male partners! Now everyone checks in on my progress and it\u2019s a real pleasure to talk about something that is meaningful to me.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Has vulnerability connected you more to others — either as the person being vulnerable or as the person receiving it?<\/strong>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I love to host parties — I enjoy inviting friends over for small dinners and huge cocktail affairs, and typically I accept that life is messy so something is going to go wrong. But about a year ago, I had one of my worst hostess moments. We were cohosting a living room concert at which New Orleans cellist Helen Gillet…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":11551,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[58],"tags":[509,1150,1318,1449,1579,1838,2145,2149,2191,2689],"yoast_head":"\nShowing vulnerability might actually be a good thing - or how a humiliating moment won't kill you - Newvine Growing<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/showing-vulnerability-might-actually-be-a-good-thing-or-how-a-humiliating-moment-wont-kill-you\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Showing vulnerability might actually be a good thing - or how a humiliating moment won't kill you - Newvine Growing\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I love to host parties — I enjoy inviting friends over for small dinners and huge cocktail affairs, and typically I accept that life is messy so something is going to go wrong. But about a year ago, I had one of my worst hostess moments. We were cohosting a living room concert at which New Orleans cellist Helen Gillet…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/showing-vulnerability-might-actually-be-a-good-thing-or-how-a-humiliating-moment-wont-kill-you\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Newvine Growing\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-08-31T15:45:23+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2019-06-07T17:39:46+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/06\/no-image.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"500\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"500\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Colleen Newvine Tebeau\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Colleen Newvine Tebeau\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/showing-vulnerability-might-actually-be-a-good-thing-or-how-a-humiliating-moment-wont-kill-you\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/showing-vulnerability-might-actually-be-a-good-thing-or-how-a-humiliating-moment-wont-kill-you\/\",\"name\":\"Showing vulnerability might actually be a good thing - or how a humiliating moment won't kill you - Newvine Growing\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2012-08-31T15:45:23+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2019-06-07T17:39:46+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/#\/schema\/person\/34671ebbbb37e4c1cc97f2f5ac1b1646\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/showing-vulnerability-might-actually-be-a-good-thing-or-how-a-humiliating-moment-wont-kill-you\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/showing-vulnerability-might-actually-be-a-good-thing-or-how-a-humiliating-moment-wont-kill-you\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/showing-vulnerability-might-actually-be-a-good-thing-or-how-a-humiliating-moment-wont-kill-you\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Showing vulnerability might actually be a good thing — or how a humiliating moment won't kill you\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/\",\"name\":\"Newvine Growing\",\"description\":\"Live life intentionally\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/#\/schema\/person\/34671ebbbb37e4c1cc97f2f5ac1b1646\",\"name\":\"Colleen Newvine Tebeau\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/700a4f604ab1d15dc1062a892418c128?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/700a4f604ab1d15dc1062a892418c128?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Colleen Newvine Tebeau\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/author\/cnewvine\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Showing vulnerability might actually be a good thing - or how a humiliating moment won't kill you - Newvine Growing","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/showing-vulnerability-might-actually-be-a-good-thing-or-how-a-humiliating-moment-wont-kill-you\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Showing vulnerability might actually be a good thing - or how a humiliating moment won't kill you - Newvine Growing","og_description":"I love to host parties — I enjoy inviting friends over for small dinners and huge cocktail affairs, and typically I accept that life is messy so something is going to go wrong. But about a year ago, I had one of my worst hostess moments. We were cohosting a living room concert at which New Orleans cellist Helen Gillet…","og_url":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/showing-vulnerability-might-actually-be-a-good-thing-or-how-a-humiliating-moment-wont-kill-you\/","og_site_name":"Newvine Growing","article_published_time":"2012-08-31T15:45:23+00:00","article_modified_time":"2019-06-07T17:39:46+00:00","og_image":[{"width":500,"height":500,"url":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/06\/no-image.png","type":"image\/png"}],"author":"Colleen Newvine Tebeau","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Colleen Newvine Tebeau","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/showing-vulnerability-might-actually-be-a-good-thing-or-how-a-humiliating-moment-wont-kill-you\/","url":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/showing-vulnerability-might-actually-be-a-good-thing-or-how-a-humiliating-moment-wont-kill-you\/","name":"Showing vulnerability might actually be a good thing - or how a humiliating moment won't kill you - Newvine Growing","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/#website"},"datePublished":"2012-08-31T15:45:23+00:00","dateModified":"2019-06-07T17:39:46+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/#\/schema\/person\/34671ebbbb37e4c1cc97f2f5ac1b1646"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/showing-vulnerability-might-actually-be-a-good-thing-or-how-a-humiliating-moment-wont-kill-you\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/showing-vulnerability-might-actually-be-a-good-thing-or-how-a-humiliating-moment-wont-kill-you\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/showing-vulnerability-might-actually-be-a-good-thing-or-how-a-humiliating-moment-wont-kill-you\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Showing vulnerability might actually be a good thing — or how a humiliating moment won't kill you"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/#website","url":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/","name":"Newvine Growing","description":"Live life intentionally","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/#\/schema\/person\/34671ebbbb37e4c1cc97f2f5ac1b1646","name":"Colleen Newvine Tebeau","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/700a4f604ab1d15dc1062a892418c128?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/700a4f604ab1d15dc1062a892418c128?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Colleen Newvine Tebeau"},"url":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/author\/cnewvine\/"}]}},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/06\/no-image.png","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4484"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4484"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4484\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11551"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4484"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4484"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.communify.me\/newvinegrowing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4484"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}