I love a to-do list.
I know I’m not the only one who writes things I’ve already done on my list for the satisfaction of crossing them off.
I’m also a big advocate of writing present tense descriptions of my ideal state. Yes, just like The Secret.
For example, I wrote a detailed list of the attributes of my ideal partner, then marveled when I started dating John that he was nearly everything on that list, from kind and funny to an animal lover. I wrote another lengthy list about my perfect job after business school and The Associated Press fulfilled my wishes, down to wanting an office with a door and windows full of sunshine.Now I have an overall vision of my life hanging on my closet door, describing career, relationships and personal life. I update it every year, as my version of a New Year’s resolution.
I think of that vision as the destination and my to-do lists are my map to get there.
This is part of why I’m infatuated with my Panda Planner. Nothing’s ever worked for me as well as paper and pen for planning my day, so I sought out a successor for the Franklin Planner I loved in the ’90s. Each day it prompts me to set up to five priorities, and it also has a section for weekly goals and passion projects. It helps align me with my big picture.
If the vision is my what and my to-do lists are the how, lately I have been focusing more on the why.
Using values to chart a course
I’ve offered marketing coaching for several years, meeting regularly with small business owners who want guidance and accountability. I always talk with my clients about their business goals first, because I don’t believe in one-size-fits-all marketing. I’ve realized that when I’m talking with an entrepreneur about business goals, they are understandably tangled up in life goals.
I am getting coaching training through CTI so I can take a holistic approach, discussing marketing strategy, business goals and life goals as they overlap.
In my second weekend of coaching training, we focused on what makes life fulfilling, including identifying and naming our values.
Through a series of visualizations and conversations, I named my values as love, caring for others, connection and creativity.
Why does it matter to declare my values? Because we can feel pulled by equally possible or equally attractive options, and we need a scale to weigh them on.
For example, a friend recently shared how he’d opted for a career that paid less because he prioritized having time to be an active father and renovating their home himself.
Meanwhile, another friend works long, hard hours at a challenging job she loves, and she’s chosen not to have children.
What’s right for one of them would be absolutely wrong for the other, so it’s essential to know your own needs well.
I’ve read a lot about midlife crisis, and the beneficial focus on real priorities as we realize time is running out. Jonathan Rauch wrote in “The Real Roots of Midlife Crisis”:
Midlife is, for many people, a time of recalibration, when they begin to evaluate their lives less in terms of social competition and more in terms of social connectedness.
This is not to suggest you need to wait for midlife to identify your values or to make choices in alignment with them. Just that some of us might go down a different path before we get a midlife wake-up call.
Aligning what and how with why
Here’s an example of how the flow chart works, connecting my values to my life vision to items on my to-do list:
It can go the other way, as well.
At the recent women’s goal-setting day we colead, career coach Lauree Ostrofsky asked participants to look at our to-do lists and to reflect on what they say about our goals and values.
This can be especially instructive if we’re not spending our time in alignment with our values. If I say I value health, for example, am I making time to get to the gym?
- I try to make time for meditation and exercise —>
- Because I have a vision of being in great health. I age gracefully and make it a priority to take care of myself —>
- Which value does this align with? I think it’s love. I love John and I want to have as many healthy, happy years with him as possible.
What are your life values? Are you living them?