Leading up to Thanksgiving, each day I will blog about what I’m doing to be more grateful. I invite you to join me, and to share your thoughts, observations, suggestions and ideas.
Day 20: Why should you bother to say thank you to someone who’s made you grateful?

All week I’ve been writing about not only feeling gratitude but expressing it — saying thank you in person, writing thank you notes, giving gifts inspired by gratitude.
Why is this important?

In this three-minute video from the big-thinking 2008 TED conference, Dr. Laura Trice, a therapist and coach, talks about how we stifle giving praise to those who need to hear it and suggests we should be more open with expressing our gratitude and in asking for thanks when we need to hear it.
She tells the story of a father who praised his son to everyone — except to the son.
I think that’s common, though I don’t know why. Why would we be embarrassed to say to someone “Thank you, you made my life better,” and instead only say that about them when they aren’t around?
Because I think it’s a common problem, I’ve borrowed a great idea from my former Ann Arbor News colleague Jo Mathis. Whenever Jo heard someone say something nice about a person who wasn’t there to hear the praise, she would carry the compliment back to the subject. Like gossip turned positive?
Thanks to Jo, I have done this for years and on numerous occasions, the person who was praised in absentia is a little surprised.It’s fun to be the bearer of good news, but a bit sad that you wouldn’t know that someone else thinks highly enough to talk you up when you’re not around.
So folks, Jo and I can only relay so much gratitude. How about we all cut out the middle man and say our nice things directly?
If you aren’t quite ready to look into someone’s eyes and say thanks, how about sending a gift?
Zen Rabbit Cookies has a gratitude program to encourage you to send thank you cookies regularly or you could send anything from flowers to Tiffany cufflinks if you check out “thank you gifts” on Google.
But then really. Listen to Dr. Laura Trice and say thank you?
Have you ever praised someone when they aren’t around but held back from saying those words directly to the person? Why do you think that is?