I love resolutions and goal setting. I believe down to my toenails in the value of identifying what you want and creating a plan to achieve it.
But. But …
Would you decide where you’re going on a road trip, drive until you get there, then just zoom on past without even getting out of the car?
Or would you take time to enjoy your destination?
Why would you bother to keep your butt in that driver’s seat for hours if something isn’t waiting for you at the end? Isn’t that how we sometimes live our lives?
We push ourselves to reach a goal, but when we arrive, we set the next destination a little farther and keep on driving.
What’s your payoff for working so hard if you never give yourself credit for reaching your goals?
Take time to receive what you’ve already got
Mama Gena is a motivational speaker and author who among other things, urges women to brag. She teaches us to stop being modest and waving away our accomplishments, and instead to take pleasure in what’s good.
In a blog post with a headline that says it all — YOU SUCK AT RECEIVING, MY LOVE. — she writes:
I often tell my students, “Unacknowledged good turns to sh*t.” When we don’t take the time to deeply receive — notice and celebrate the goodness — we end up emotionally constipated. We’ve got no more room to let in more good.
This isn’t terminal, even though it feels that way.
When it comes down to it, we have a love problem. A self-love problem.We have such pitiful, paltry love for ourselves that when we get gifted with a big love bomb, we blow up instead of expand. Why?
Your capacity to receive love is only as vast as your capacity to love yourself.
Mama Gena
It’s kinda mathematical, really. We can’t receive any more love than we have, inside, for ourselves.
And the less love we have for ourselves, the more we will feel victimized and disempowered around our circumstances.
So if you don’t celebrate what you have, you push it away. You tell yourself and the universe that you don’t deserve goodness.
If you don’t want to barricade goodness, I suggest reading Mama Gena’s manifesto on receiving. (Yes, even if you’re a guy.) She offers seven tips on expanding your ability to receive, including receiving compliments fully, expressing gratitude, bragging and doing good for others.
Don’t just do it for you. Your bragging inspires others.
A couple of my smart, ambitious entrepreneur friends recently collaborated on a project called The Self-Promotion Gap. They surveyed a nationally representative group of American adults and found that the majority of women avoid talking about their strengths and accomplishments.
This survey exploring women’s fear of self-promotion, commissioned by Mighty Forces, Southpaw Insights, Upstream Analysis and Grey Horse Communications, found women would rather do all manner of unpleasant things than promote themselves:
I think this is in large part because we’ve been taught it’s self serving to be arrogant and boastful. We might make others feel bad.
We’ve actually got it backwards.
According to Self-Promotion Gap survey data:
A majority of women (83%) have been inspired by hearing women talk about their successes and accomplishments, but 7 in 10 (69%) women would rather minimize their successes than tell people about them.
If we reframe self-promotion as an altruistic activity, will more women be willing to share their accomplishments and abilities?
Self-Promotion Gap research
And it’s not just other women who are inspired:
Get started bragging … in the mirror
Maybe you’re a little too modest to start by strolling into a New Year’s Eve party and declaring, “My business made about $1 million this year and I love how I look in this outfit!”
(But if you do that, will you promise to get video and send it to me??)
How about a baby step? Take a few minutes to write down at least one success in these key areas:
- Career
- Relationships
- Finances
- Health
- Personal growth
Ideally, each item you write down will be an accomplishment. In addition to giving thanks for something that went well, claim your role in creating that outcome. Don’t just be the passive recipient of random good luck … unless that’s truly what happened.
For example, instead of simply saying, “My grandmother gave me money to pay off my credit card debt,” you might say, “I acknowledged I was in financial trouble. I asked for and received help, and now I am creating a plan to stay out of debt in the future.”
Once you have that list, read it to yourself in the mirror. No apologizing or minimizing. No yes buts. Just tell yourself what you did well this year.
No matter how big or small, practice giving thanks for what you’ve already done.
Won’t setting your new year’s goals feel more motivating when you know you’ll celebrate when you get there?